Understanding Dysregulation: Navigating Big Emotions Beyond Invalidation

When emotions feel overwhelming, we tend to hear messages like "you're too much" or "calm down." These responses often come from a place of misunderstanding, but they can make managing big feelings even harder. The truth is, you’re not “too much”—you’re dysregulated. This post explores how invalidation affects emotional regulation and what learning to regulate emotions looks like in everyday life.

Finding calm in a quiet space helps with emotional regulation

How Invalidation Makes Big Emotions Harder to Manage

Invalidation happens when someone dismisses or minimizes your feelings. Phrases like "you’re overreacting" or "it’s not a big deal" tell you that your experience is wrong or exaggerated. This response can make you feel isolated and misunderstood, increasing the intensity of your emotions.

When you feel overwhelmed, your brain is already working hard to process strong feelings. Invalidation adds another layer of stress by making you doubt your own experience. This can lead to:

• Increased confusion about what you’re feeling

• Heightened anxiety because your emotions feel unsafe to express

• Difficulty calming down as your body stays on high alert

  
  

For example, imagine sharing your frustration about a stressful day, only to be told, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” This response can shut down your ability to process those big feelings, making it harder to move forward.

What Learning Regulation Looks Like in Real Life

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to your feelings in a healthy way. It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it involves recognizing your feelings, understanding them, and finding ways to cope that work for you.

Here are some practical steps to build emotional regulation skills:

• Name your feelings: When you feel overwhelmed, try to identify what you’re experiencing. Saying “I feel anxious” or “I’m really sad right now” helps bring clarity.

• Use grounding techniques: Simple actions like deep breathing, focusing on your senses, or describing your surroundings can help calm your nervous system.

• Create safe spaces: Find places or moments where you can express your emotions without judgment, whether that’s journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or spending time in nature.

• Set boundaries: Protect your emotional energy by limiting contact with people who invalidate your feelings or create stress.

• Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that big feelings are part of being human and that it’s okay to struggle sometimes.

  
  

For instance, if you feel overwhelmed after a difficult conversation, you might take a few minutes to breathe deeply, acknowledge your feelings, and then write down what you need to feel better. Over time, these habits build resilience and improve your ability to handle big feelings.

Moving Forward with Understanding and Support

Recognizing that you’re not “too much” but dysregulated is a powerful shift. It opens the door to self-acceptance and healthier ways to cope with overwhelming emotions. When others invalidate your feelings, it’s a reflection of their limits, not yours.

If you find yourself struggling, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can guide you through learning regulation skills tailored to your needs. Remember, managing big feelings is a journey, and every step toward understanding yourself better is progress.

This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek support from a qualified mental health professional for personalized care.